Binge Battle

Here is an entry from my journal. The comments in blue were added so you could understand what I was talking about.

Morning Pages 4-21-2012

Offer it up.

Yesterday I met with my eating disorder specialist. I have Binge Eating Disorder. I haven’t purged in 22 years but I continue to battle binge eating. The specialist and I went over my Emotional Eating Journal and chart for the past 6 weeks.  The first month = 16 incidents of desire to binge evenly spaced throughout the month with 3.5 actual binges. The last 2 weeks = an AMAZING 0 incidents of desire to binge and 0 binges. We discussed why, when my desire-to-binge numbers are high, rated on a scale of 1-10, I sometimes binge, but more often I resist.

No answers.

But an important question is: What tool do I have that I can use to resist the urge when the binge monster is on my back?

Again, no answers. At least not during the session.

I know in my heart I can’t successfully move on to the next phase of change until I have that tool in place. So,  later that same day, I’m driving down the road pondering what tool I might use to defend myself. I needed something special, something reserved just for the times when I feel the temptation to binge. That way, it won’t lose its effectiveness to mundanity.

Using something ordinary to distract myself – like tv or exercise or reading or other humans – has worked in the past, but not consistently. Probably because those things aren’t always instantly available, and a binge can happen quickly. There may not be a tv/human ear/good book/gym around, or even time to put on my tennis shoes.

So I’m pondering this and an idea pops into my head fully formed in a single word. It is “Prayer”. I’m startled, but I immediately see the perfection in it. Prayer is always and instantly available. It travels faster than the speed of binge.

Now how do I use it?

I consider myself a relaxed Catholic. I have no desire to be anything but Catholic and yet I don’t work too hard at the whole thing.

I love God. He loves me. That’s enough.

I pray and meditate daily, but I don’t make a production of it. Short and sweet. In addition I also pray at odd moments during the day, but those prayers consist mainly of random shout-outs of  “help!” and “thanks!”.

If I’m going to adopt prayer as a tool when the binge monster is trying to climb on my back, I don’t want some long exhausting ritual. I want something that’s natural to my temperament.

I think I know what that should be. But for now I’m not going to say.

If you were in my shoes, what would it be for you?

About Regina Richards

Brenda Novak Mentorship Contest Finalist Hot Prospects winner Enchanted Words finalist Happily Ever After winner Happy Housewife former homeschooler FlyBaby Bad Mommy! @ www.4badmommies.com