This moment in time was on my mind when I woke this morning. Why have I added it here now? I tend to write journals and then years later in fits of soul-cleansing or privacy-greed I destroy them. Perhaps I want to be sure that this bit survives. For her.
I miss you, Mom.
More than I can say.
– from the journal of Regina Richards 1-24-2011
Mom is nearing the end of the battle. All her life she’s been blessed with physical beauty, an uncommonly sharp mind, a saintly personality, and a deep faith. Now the cancer has ravaged her body and invaded her brain, stealing her mind and changing her personality.
But cancer has been powerless against her Faith.
For a time I asked, “Father, this woman has been your true and faithful servant. Why must she suffer so? Why must she be stripped of all she was, all those things that were a Glory to You and a Blessing to us? Doesn’t she deserve a gentler, better, more dignified death?”
Though I never asked this in her presence, despite her cancer-ravaged mind, the answer came directly from Mother herself. “I’ve been blessed with an absolutely wonderful life full of people I love who love me and extraordinarily good health until here at the very end. Now I am being stripped of those things and left only with my trust in Him. And that is okay because that’s all I need as I go to Him.”
I don’t believe that cancer and suffering is God’s Will for my mother. It’s simply one of the “things of this world”. I believe that God’s Will for my mother is that she go to Him in complete trust and faith – and perhaps witness to her family before she leaves that she is taking with her as she goes only what is truly essential: Faith, Hope, and Love.